My Accent

 Over the past five months, I have been in Spain while being immersed in the Spanish language the entire time. I took university classes in Spanish last semester and now I have an internship where I speak solely in Spanish. I also speak the language at home given that I am living with a host family. I have certainly made progress in Spanish, but that is not to say that the language learning process doesn't come with its peaks and valleys. I feel it is important that I share not only the high points but the low points as well, because I think there is much to be learned by reflection on the low points. Lately, I have been reflecting on the relationship I have with my foreign accent. Having a foreign accent is new for me given that I am a native English speaker and I haven't spent extended periods of time in other countries besides the United States.

As I write this post, I am in a valley and have various thoughts going through my mind; I wonder why it has taken me so long to improve in my Spanish, for example why my pronunciation isn’t good, why I still don’t fully understand people when they speak, and why there are still so many words I don’t know even though I have lived in Spain for five months now. I often feel that I am not advanced as I should be. I've had people give me weird looks when I start speaking, I've had people laugh at my accent, I've had kids ask me why I "talk like that", and I've had people give up on speaking with me when they can't understand my accent. What's worse is when my foreign accent makes many people switch to English even when I initiate a conversation in Spanish. Although I know they are trying to be helpful, I feel robbed of a learning opportunity. I can't help but interpret this response as my Spanish not being good enough. Knowing I have a foreign accent that I won't be able to get rid of completely no matter how much I practice is discouraging at times. During low points like these, I don't like my accent and I don't like standing out. I long to get around with ease and be seen as a normal person in the community.

So many people move to the United States and learn English, a language that is much more irregular than Spanish, as most of the Spanish grammar, pronunciation, and spelling rules fit neatly in a box while this is not the case in English. How do they make it look so easy even though they likely have less privilege, support, and resources than I do? Why can’t my Spanish be as good as their English? When people congratulate me on my progress in Spanish, I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve it. So many people that do the same thing in English don’t get congratulated. It’s an expectation that people can learn English as a second language and that ability is taken for granted. On the other hand, when native English speakers learn a second language, they get a lot of praise for doing so. My mindset is, “why congratulate me, I am only doing the same thing that so many people throughout the world do, but with more of a safety net given that my first language is so widely spoken and I can find plenty of great educational opportunities and well paying jobs all over the world by solely knowing English”

Then I realized that this is exactly why my Spanish is praised so much: I could get around without it, but I chose to learn it anyway. I chose to learn it to make connections with people. I have learned to adjust my mindset and accept compliments on my Spanish. Feeling like I don’t deserve the compliments doesn’t help anyone; instead I should celebrate my accomplishments as well as help others celebrate their own.

Although I can choose to view my accent as a flaw, I can also choose to view my accent is a sign of hard work. My language skills are not something my family gave me but something I gave myself through taking initiative, being resourceful, and putting myself out there. My language skills are an accomplishment of my own, as they are not something that was handed to me but something I had to work for. My accent shows that I had to put in extra effort to speak a second language, and yet I persevered. My accent is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of strength.