Reflection

When I first began doing my internship at ACPACYS, the most challenging part was feeling unproductive and unhelpful. Granted, these feelings were generated within my own mind, not by other people. Everyone I have met at ACPACYS has been kind and I can tell they do the work that they do because they genuinely care about the members. They take the time to learn peoples' interests and talk to each person using the tone of voice that makes sense based on their actual age. That is, they speak to adults with disabilities using the same tone of voice they would use with an adult, not a child.

Sometimes, I felt it was difficult to make much of an impact because I did not know the members nearly as well as the staff members. Because of this, I couldn't help feed people, I couldn't help people get in and out of their wheelchairs, I couldn't help people use the bathroom when they needed to go, and many of the members refused to do their work no matter how hard I tried to engage them. I tried to propose ideas to raise money and find new boardgames and puzzles for the adults, but those ideas fell through. All I could really do was chat with members, read books with them, help them with their worksheets and art, plant seeds with them, and help them with the computer. These things didn't seem like enough, as I thought I was supposed to make a more visible impact.

One day, when I was helping out in the art workshop, my perspective changed. We were preparing artwork for an exhibition that was an important fundraising opportunity for ACPACYS, and I was in charge of making pompoms and painting recycled cans that we would make into baskets. The workshop instructor who had an extensive background in art, frequently critiqued my pompoms and the designs I painted on the cans. I appreciated the constructive criticism, however I couldn't help but feel upset with myself. I felt that I was supposed to be speeding things up, instead I felt I was slowing everything down. This wasn't supposed to be an art class for me, I was supposed to be competent and capable of completing the projects efficiently and beautifully. I used to be such a great artist and was amazing at tying knots as well as drawing from my imagination. Why couldn't I do those things anymore?

At the end of the workshop, I apologized to the instructor for not being very productive or helpful. She looked at me as if I was crazy and told me that she was extremely grateful to me and for everything I have done. Puzzled, I asked her what she meant. She then went on to explain how I helped her because I helped give the members a place where they felt valued. She expressed gratitude for my patience, listening skills, and willingness to learn and grow, as well as how I celebrated the small accomplishments with the members. At that point, I realized that's exactly what my role was; not to drastically change everything about ACPACYS, but to celebrate the small things.

Throughout the course of my internship, I realized how much I take the small things for granted- such as my ability to walk, hold objects, and read. I can travel and explore cities without worrying about how I am going to get inside a vehicle or a building. I can explore nature on any type of path or terrain. I am able to go where I want without relying on anyone. I can eat when I want and don't have to wait for someone to feed me or hold my drink for me because I have the motor abilities to do those things independently. I can quickly get my thoughts on paper through writing and I have the motor abilities to be completely understood by other people when I speak. I can understand the world around me by reading.

At ACPACYS, I have met people who do not have these conveniences. The things I can do without thinking would require them to put in a lot of time and effort. I have learned that pitying people who do not have the same abilities as I do is not helpful to anyone. Instead, I celebrate the small accomplishments and encourage them to keep going.

In closing, I would like to leave you with a list of some of the many small accomplishments I witnessed at ACPACYS this summer that are not discussed in my other posts:

-A girl who only talked about her cousins and aunts talked about a different conversation topic for the first time with my guidance

-A man who always pretended he had to go to the bathroom was honest and told us the truth that he was bored

-A man completed a puzzle that had more pieces than the puzzles he normally does

-A teenaged boy who often chooses not to respond to people when they talk to him is improving his social skills and is starting to initiate conversations

- Twins who typically do not respond to their surroundings showed interest in a book I was reading

-A woman with significant fine motor difficulties was able to put 100 puzzle pieces back in a box by herself

-A woman completed a puzzle by listening to the tips I gave her, but with very limited help otherwise

-A woman completed a challenging word search on her own

-A boy who often behaves aggressively enthusiastically included a younger child in his game